


Sauron Applies For His Job

by Himring



Category: TOLKIEN J. R. R. - Works, The Lord of the Rings - J. R. R. Tolkien, The Silmarillion and other histories of Middle-Earth - J. R. R. Tolkien
Genre: Anachronistic, Crack, Gen, Humor, Poetry, verse and prose
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-05-10
Updated: 2014-05-10
Packaged: 2018-01-24 05:24:42
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 165
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1593155
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Himring/pseuds/Himring
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Before the throne of Angband, Sauron makes his application for the job of lieutenant to Morgoth, the Dark Lord. For reasons unknown and unexplained (possibly just to make things appropriately hellishly difficult) the application has to be made in rhyme...</p>
            </blockquote>





	Sauron Applies For His Job

**Author's Note:**

> Perhaps somewhat on the PG side of General because of, you know, who these guys are...

 

 

Sauron took a deep breath and began:  
‘ _I’m able_  
 _and I’m capable._  
 _My filing is impeccable._  
 _I’m utterly dependable,_  
 _my loyalty unshakeable._ ’  
‘ _Admirable, commendable_ ’, muttered Morgoth politely and yawned discreetly into his smoking black palm.  
  
Sauron gulped and continued, rather desperately:  
‘ _I’m variously artistic,_  
 _deliberately terroristic,_  
 _notoriously imperialistic,_  
 _often outright sadistic…_ ’  
‘Now we’re getting somewhere’, said Morgoth and sat up straighter on his Dark Throne. ‘What about your private life, your hobbies and so on?’  
  
Sauron panicked, as he hadn’t expected the question, and sputtered:  
‘ _I have a thing_  
 _for bling,_  
 _any sparkly things,_  
 _mostly rings…_  
 _I do cosplay and LARPing._  
 _You haven’t seen anything_  
 _till you’ve seen my vampire bat, blood dripping…_ ’  
‘A Maia after my own heart,’ cried out Morgoth enthusiastically, jumped from the Dark Throne and enfolded Sauron in a fana-crushing hug.  
  
In a small voice, Sauron admitted:  
‘But I’m a lousy poet. I had to invent a whole new language just to get the words of that bloody inscription to rhyme…’

**Author's Note:**

> Written for the April Challenge at LOTR community on LJ: "Laugh!" (funny poetry)
> 
> Prompt/elements: commendable/dependable


End file.
